Beard Buddy

There's something weird inside my beard,
I often feel it creeping.
How I abhor its thunderous snores
that wake me when I'm sleeping.

There's something weird inside my beard,
that steals my food at dinner.
It sneaks my grapes, and berry crepes,
and now I'm clearly thinner.

There's something weird inside my beard,
that just cannot stop it's chat.
Sometimes in class, it's very crass.
I get in trouble for that!

There's something weird inside my beard,
I'm pretty sure it's growing.
My dainty chin, which once was thin,
is full to overflowing.

There's something weird inside my beard,
and boy, I hate it so.
You have a cure? Please tell me, sir.
Shave off the hair? I do declare!
That mad advice does not suffice,
It took a year to grow!